Originally published on LinkedIn on February 9, 2026. Read and engage with the original post here.
During my time at Meta, I interviewed over 250 candidates. Mostly Software Engineers and some TPMs. Probably 85% of the interviews I did were Behavioral, and so the topic of work culture came up frequently. When I gave candidates the chance to ask me questions, inevitably I would get:
So… what is the work-life balance like here?
When I got this question, I usually interpreted it as code for “If I join, am I expected to be at work 24/7? Will I be joining a multi-year death march? Will I ever see my friends and family again?”
And I get it. Big Tech does not have a great reputation for the number of hours worked, stress levels and turnover due to burnout. When I was early in my career, I thought that work-life culture was something a company *had* similar to a 401K, health insurance or other “perks.” But as my career progressed, I realized that I had more control over my work-life balance than I thought. So usually, I would answer the candidate’s question by saying something like:
Here at Meta, expectations are high. My colleagues are brilliant and driven. I work hard when I’m plugged in, and some people choose to work long hours. But I’ve been able to find a sustainable balance, and I believe work-life balance is something you can control.
Sometimes, this response was enough for the candidate. And other times, I’d get questions about the how. This all sounds great in theory, but how do you, the employee control your own work-life balance when there are bosses and deadlines and demanding customers and more work than you can manage and constant pings and performance reviews are next week?
What follows is what I have learned. Transparently, I have not always been the best at practicing what I have preached. As I recently wrote, taking a step back from work has given me a new perspective on how stress manifests. But as I move forward and start my own thing, I’m working to better take my own advice.
So when candidates asked me how to control their work-life balance, here’s what I learned from trying to solve it for an entire org.
You Control More Than You Think
Why am I so certain that control is in your hands? Let me share an experience. When I was in leadership, I closely reviewed the team, org and companywide feedback results which were anonymous. Work-life balance concerns were a common theme. As leaders, we took this seriously and sought to address it. I volunteered multiple times to deep dive into this issue and find solutions. The most important thing was the people.
I ran a workshop to understand people’s concerns more concretely. It was 100% voluntary, and we probably had ~30 in attendance. We did an exercise where everybody wrote what work-life balance meant to them on sticky notes and put them on the whiteboard. There were over 100 stickies. And there were over 100 different ideas on what work-life balance meant. The sticky notes covered everything:
- No pings over weekends
- Ability to spend time with friends and families
- Not feeling bad about leaving at 5PM
- 40 hour weeks
- Flexibile schedules
- Not feeling the need to check in while on PTO
We talked about hypothetic “solutions” from a policy perspective. A rule that all pings must be sent silently if they were after working hours? Everybody has to close their laptop on Friday at 5PM? Absolutely no checking in during PTO?
Each one of these solutions seemed to “solve” a problem for some but caused problems for others. For instance, somebody said that they like to check messages while on PTO because it means it’s *less* stressful for them when they come back. Others said that when they were really in the zone, they *enjoyed* putting in extra time because they enjoyed it or wanted to get a promotion or good rating.
Then somebody called out the elephant in the room:
I don’t leave at 5PM because I feel bad walking past everybody else who is still working.
Guilt and invisible pressure were keeping people at desks longer than they needed to be, checking pings after hours and feeling like they couldn’t be present with their loved ones. And it wasn’t so much “the bosses.” It was their peers. And nobody was actually *saying* anything. This was all assumed. This led to some conclusions:
- Work-life balance has individual meaning
- One-size fits all policies won’t address everyone’s concerns
- Guilt causes people to go outside their working preferences
- Personal advancement is a motivating factor
Here’s the thing: we’ve been taught that output equals value. Work more = worth more. And when everyone around you seems to be doing it, opting out feels like falling behind.
What if I told you it was possible to live your life, not sacrifice your values AND be successful in your career? Here is how.
Create Work Life Balance (Don’t Hope For It)
Step 1: Define What You Need
The first step is to define what work-life balance means for you. Do you want flexibility in working hours or location? Need to pick up your kids from the bus stop? Not regularly work nights or weekends? Vacations where you are 100% present and not checking in? 40-50 hours per week instead of 60+? Limits on travel? Brainstorm what you need and write it down. Understand what are the true P0’s on the list that are non-negotiable and which are nice to have.
Step 2: Align With Your Manager
Next, you have to set your boundaries with your manager. Clearly and directly. This requires discussion with your manager and should be done synchronously. Share what you are looking for. Commit to continued high performance within the boundaries. Respond to questions (and possible pushback) and be ready to make trade-offs. If you are starting a new job, this is an upfront discussion, perhaps when you are considering an offer in hand. If you are already established at the company, point out all the value you have brought to the team, and how your boundaries will make your contributions sustainable.
Realistically, there will be managers who are not willing to make concessions. They may demand that you continue your previous availability. They may get angry or try to guilt you into withdrawing your request. What you do at this stage is up to you. Will you continue to work in this situation, or will you take steps to move on. Only you can decide. It may feel like you are trapped. Like you will never get a job that pays as well as this one. Like you will never be able to find another role in your industry. And this is why you need to carefully weigh your next step. Consulting a mentor or trusted friend can be very helpful.
Step 3: Model The Behavior
Once you have aligned with your manager, you need to set your boundaries with your peers and dependent teams. This can be accomplished by a 1:1 with the folks you work with the most, or an e-mail/post. For me, the best way to do this wasn’t with a grand announcement but just starting to model the behaviors. Leave work at 5:30. Work from home Wednesdays and Fridays. Travel at most once per quarter. Stop responding off-hours. I just started doing it. And slowly it became the new normal. Your behavior actually trains other people’s ways of interacting with you. If they know you aren’t checking in over weekends, they eventually stop sending you stuff on weekends.
Consistency – The Hard Part
The hardest part of all of this is maintaining the boundaries that lead to work-life balance. It’s sort of like when you go on a diet and cut out junk food, start exercising, and lose weight. It can be *so easy* to slip back into old habits. Or to get soft on maintaining the boundary you worked so hard to get.
People will step over the boundary. Not because they’re malicious, just because they forgot, or they’re testing, or they’re new. This is normal. Your job is to gently, consistently reinforce. You will constantly need to model the behaviors and respectfully reinforce the boundaries. This will get easier over time.
Your definition of what good work-life balance looks like might change over time. Maybe right now you are a parent and you don’t want to travel regularly. But in the future, your kids may be grown up and you would really *enjoy* traveling more. Perhaps a project comes along that is totally energizing and fun and you *want* to work evenings on it. Maybe your company is really in a crisis and working the weekend for a brief period of time is necessary. Know it’s OK to tweak your boundaries to fit what works for you within the season of life you are in. Don’t let the boundaries become dogmatic.
The Career Tradeoff
One more thing and just being real here. It’s possible that your boundaries may slow or limit your career climb. You may have a better chance getting that promo or receiving a Redefines Expectations rating next cycle by putting your nose to the grindstone and throwing boundaries in the shredder. Again, this is where personal choice comes into play. Only you can decide what your priorities are.
What I *will* say is that it’s possible to have boundaries and be a happy, productive, respected, and valued employee at work.
Also, if you are a manager or team lead, please know how much the example you set and the behaviors you model can impact the culture on your team. If you send e-mails off hours, or regularly work nights and weekends, it’s likely your team will think this is the expectation and will do the same.
My Version
As I am starting Macro Delta, I’m in the situation where I need to figure out and establish my boundaries. In some ways this is even harder to do than when I was working for larger companies because I’m accountable to myself. Historically, I have been harder on myself than others have been on me. So, here is what I decided:
- Work 2 days per week
- Develop clear communication expectations with clients
- Travel once per quarter max
- No comms (e-mail, Slack, etc) after hours
- Leverage AI to automate the grunt work
These boundaries might seem extreme to some people. That’s fine. They work for me. Your boundaries will look different, and that’s the point. After 6 months away from work, I want to ramp to new adventures in a way that is sustainable and does not lead me towards burnout. I want the work I do and the connections I make with clients to be energizing and a source of joy, not stress. As time goes on, maybe these boundaries will change. But for now, I want to have the ability to truly balance work and life in a way that works for me. There may be clients or companies that aren’t a good fit for me to work with, and that’s OK!
If you are in a position where you are struggling with work-life balance, please know that you are not alone. Also, realize how much is in your control and you do have some choice in the matter. And I want you to give yourself permission for the following:
- You’re allowed to have boundaries
- You’re allowed to protect your time
- You’re allowed to say no
- You’re allowed to work sustainably
- You don’t need anyone’s approval
Perhaps start small. Pick one small boundary that you can create this week. State it. Model it. Protect it. See what happens. Probably nothing catastrophic will happen, and that will make setting the next boundary easier.
Nobody is coming to save you from burnout. Nobody is going to design the perfect work situation and protect it for you. That’s your job. It won’t always be easy. You’ll have to disappoint people. You’ll have to say no when you want to say yes. But you know what’s harder? Spending 20 years waiting for someone else to fix it.
What’s one boundary you’re going to set this week?