Originally published on LinkedIn on February 17, 2026. Read and engage with the original post here.
In 2013, I became a manager for the first time. My team consisted of six software engineers and I was a hybrid technical lead and project manager. I was thrilled to be a manager because I loved working with people. I was so excited to see each and every one of my reports have tremendous impact and I was determined that nobody get left behind.
My vision was super ambitious. If someone had a problem, I’d fix it. If there was a conflict, I’d fix it. If somebody’s code wasn’t compiling, I’d roll up my sleeves and fix it. If somebody was just having a bad day, I’d still find a way to fix it.
That’s what a great manager does, right? Fix the team’s problems so they can be happy? Well, that is what I thought.
I was in this mode for a good chunk of my first year as a manager, and things didn’t go as well as I thought. Most problems, I couldn’t fix directly. People still became dissatisfied or had lousy days. A few people decided to leave the team. What was I doing wrong?
One of the best pieces of feedback I got during that time came from the most senior members of the team. He was struggling with some conflict with our V&V team and shared what was going on during a 1:1. Instinctively, I grabbed a marker and went to the whiteboard and started mapping out the plan for how we were going to fix it. I’d go to the V&V manager and sort everything out and I’d work to create a better process, and from now on, copy me on all communications. Simple, right?
My direct just stared at me. He put his notebook down and said, “Pete… I appreciate you trying to help, but I am just telling you what is going on so you know. I have a plan to work this out with the V&V team directly. I just need to know you have my back in this.”
This sort of surprised me. I assumed everybody would be THRILLED to have me put everything aside and jump right in. As it turned out, there were a ton of problems with this being the default approach, for my directs and for me.
I switched modes and just listened to my report as he bounced his plan off me. I told him it made sense, and I supported him in this. He went off and worked through the challenges. It wasn’t all perfect without any messiness, but eventually, things got much better. And I doubt it would have gone as well as it did if we went with my plan.
I learned a powerful lesson that stuck with me throughout my career as a manager. Support people, don’t fix.
Why We Jump to Fix
There are a bunch of reasons why we may default to trying to fix, most of which result from fear and insecurity inside us. Some of the things I have noticed within me:
- It feels good to be “needed”
- Seems faster to fix it myself
- Shows everyone how competent (or smart) we are
- Avoids sitting with uncomfortable feelings
- Fear that it won’t be fixed “right”
- Assumption that this is what the person wants
- Problem solving = our job identity
All the motivations above also point to a desire to have control. Control over the situation and avoidance of uncomfortable feelings. In general, the “fixes” I was coming up with were based on assumptions and incomplete information. Ironically, in that first year as a manager, my efforts to fix resulted in MORE problems:
- My reports (especially the junior ones) became dependent
- Senior reports got frustrated and felt micro-managed
- Team growth slowed
- I became a bottleneck
- I felt tired and burned out
- My solutions weren’t great because I wasn’t directly in the situation
Like many bad habits, the desire to be fully in control can be hard to break, especially if we have been doing it for years. But as I saw the impact of my “fix at all costs” mentality, I was determined to do better. I had to learn to replace fixing with supporting.
What Support Looks Like
The funny thing is, supporting is a lot easier than fixing once you get past that squishy feeling that comes with giving up some control. And it can start with changing our go to vocabulary when a direct shares an issue with us.
When I wanted to fix, I used a lot of these statements:
- “Here’s what I would do” (which is code for “Here is what YOU SHOULD do”)
- “Let me handle that”
- “I’ll talk to X about this issue and get back to you”
- “Copy me directly on all e-mails with X”
When I started to move to support, my vocabulary changed to:
- “What have you tried so far?”
- “What are the options?”
- “Imagine a friend shared this problem with you. What would you tell them?”
- “What feels like the best next step?”
- “How can I support you in this?”
When you are supporting someone, questions work much better than statements, especially when we don’t know all the details. Questions can get people thinking for themselves, and honestly, I found that my team was smarter than me when it came to developing solutions. Questions show respect. They say: “I trust you to figure this out.” Statements say: “I don’t think you can.”
Let me be honest. If you are a hardwired fixer like I was (uh am), it can be super hard to build consistency with supporting. It can feel uncomfortable watching people struggle. It can feel inefficient to see various iterations fail. It can be scary to think your team views you as unhelpful (or worse, uncaring). It also requires patience.
But similar to other habits, we can develop the discipline to get better. Take a deep breath. Count to six before responding. Make a rule that you always ask at least one clarifying question before answering. Allow time for them to sit with the problem. Trust the process, even if it feels slower.
When To Fix
Wait a minute. I thought you just said fixing is “bad?” When is a good time to fix instead of just supporting?
Transparently, there is no algorithm that can tell you. Your instinct will tell you. It’s sort of like teaching your kid to ride a bike. You want them to figure it out with minimal intervention, but if you see them veering off into oncoming traffic, you are going to grab the bike and pull them to safety.
Some general areas where you might need to jump in:
- Genuine emergency or crisis.
- Legal/compliance risk
- Irreversible decision with major consequences
- They truly lack the experience/knowledge to solve
- Safety issue
- Time-sensitive customer escalation
These situations do happen, but this is maybe 10% of the time. 90% of the time, your team can figure it out with your support. The ROI on learning is worth it even if it takes a little longer than you holding their hand.
A good rule of thumb. As yourself “if I solve this, will they be able to solve it themselves next time?”
If no, maybe you need to fix.
If yes, definitely support them instead.
Remember, struggle isn’t bad. If you are training for a marathon, you NEED to struggle during training otherwise there is no way you are going to be able to finish. Struggles lead to growth and resilience. I’m training for the Pittsburgh Marathon right now. My long runs are hard. They’re supposed to be hard. If I walked every time it got tough, I’d never make it to the start line. Struggle builds the capacity to finish. Its the same with your team.
This is what being a great manager is all about.
Results in Professional Life
The impact of supporting versus fixing is massive for the team. People build capacity and confidence that they can fix their own problems and unblock themselves. They develop problem solving skills and become more self-sufficient. The increase in confidence leads to them trusting their own judgement more, and bringing you only the biggest problems on their plate for advice and support. Your one and ones become more about their ideas, and less about their problems. And they grow into bigger challenges.
This, my friends, is how you build a bench. Not by jumping in and fixing. Not by giving step-by-step directions to every single task. Not by demanding things be done a certain way. By giving the space for folks to handle problems, build confidence and grow into the future leaders of the org.
And guess what? Life gets way better for YOU when you stop fixing. You are less exhausted because you don’t feel responsible for solving all the problems. You have people you can delegate big problems too, who have the skills to tackle them. You filter out the noise of minutia and instead get to focus on big picture, strategic things. You actually have time to do your OWN WORK and not everybody else’s.
It truly is a win-win.
Results in Personal Life
The best outcomes are when lessons learned at work can be applied in your personal life and vice versa. Supporting as the default can make every relationship better.
Situation: Nadiah, my 3rd grader is struggling with her homework. She asks me for help.
Fixer Pete: “Let me solve these problems and then I’ll show you how I did it.”
Supporter Pete: “I understand it can be frustrating when you are working on tough problems. What did the teacher show you about the best way to tackle these
Situation: Friend is feeling stuck in their career. They ask me to go to coffee to chat about it.
Fixer Pete: “Oh, you should definitely look for a new job.”
Supporter Pete: “I can imagine that doesn’t feel great. I have had times when I felt stuck in my career too. What aspects of your job feel most stagnant right now?”
The pattern is the same whether it’s your team, your kids, or your friends. When you support instead of fix, you send a powerful message: “I believe you’re capable of this.” That might be the most valuable thing you can give another person.
Still Learning
Admittedly, I’m still working to get better here. There are plenty of times when I jump in and try to fix. It’s hard to see others struggle and resist the urge to intervene. But when I notice myself slipping back into that habit, I try to remember to pause, take a deep breath and think of a good question to ask. And then take the next few minutes to listen. Sometimes I’ll come up with some advice or some options to solve. But the vast majority of the time, smart people come up with great solutions to their own problems.
Remember, you don’t have to solve every problem. You just have to support others in their journey to solve their own.